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It is in the last 5 years and 5 days I have discovered who I really am.It is in this time of despair, my time of despair that I discovered and learned so much about people, life, and what’s important.I’m going help others who are asking God to die, because I’ve been there. Just not always how we pray for them, but rather in a way that nudges us towards what our true destiny is.Unless you’ve gone to hell and come back, you can never know about how truly beautiful being alive can be. EZ Tags: addiction, alcohol, bullying, city of dreams, dating hookers, dealing with alcohol, Death, destiny, diet, diets that work, EARTHZEBRA, eating raw, fair weather friends, feeders, girls, girls of Manhattan, Giving Up, god, god please kill me, gods, golddiggers, Happy, Heaven, helping people, homeless, Hope, how to get off alcohol, loss of faith, Love, needing help, nobody cares, NYC, overcoming, part time hookers, pitiful, please die, praying for death, prostitutes, sad, secretly a hooker, secrets, self suicide, SEX, success story, Suicide, waiting to die, wanting to die Welcome to my open notebook of my vision.Trips across the country in First Class were a monthly thing, with town cars, the best hotels, and tipping door men and maitre d’s made him feel powerful.It was a life of over-excess, over-indulging, and thinking of himself in a ways only to justify what was ultimately a self-destructing life. What happened next was the snowball that had been rolling down the deep snowed mountain for a very long time had finally reached the valley floor.
The alcohol flowed freely and paying for a dirty martini which was put on a tab, and downed without the slightest flinch followed by 3 or 4 more ordered!
Until finally I was homeless living with family and depending on a family members Social Security check to feed me. For 5 years and 5 days, I prayed to God to die each and every night.
(Note: You are not “homeless” when living with family…fact you are “Home”! “Dear God please take me, I have no purpose here and someone else is much more deserving to be on this Earth than I”, I’d say quietly to myself in bed.
For 5 years and 5 days, I wore the same 2 pair of jeans, the same 3 black t-shirts, the same pairs of 4 boxers that had become ripped in multiple directions from years of not being able to afford to buy new ones. For 5 years and 5 days, I wore the same pair of Nike running shoes. It is not a choice that anyone can make for the hero of the story.
I had purchased these shoes at the Nike flagship store in NYC some years earlier even though I really didn’t need them. The shoes after 5 years, had holes in them by this time, and were worn thin and very dirty looking. It is not a choice the hero can make on his own because it is not actually a choice at all.